


Acquainted with the Night

by Mara



Series: Change Is the Only Constant [3]
Category: DCU - Comicverse, House M.D.
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-23
Updated: 2010-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/pseuds/Mara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce Wayne is having a party. House doesn't care. Cuddy and Wilson do. Guess who's going to Gotham?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acquainted with the Night

**Author's Note:**

> This story is entirely the fault of Angelfirenze, who long ago asked me to write it and poked a couple of bunnies at me. It's for Fanfic100 #79, When and Psych_30, #10, Approach-Avoidance.
> 
> It's not precisely a WIP, in the sense that it's got a beginning, middle, and end, but there are definitely some things I'd like to flesh out someday...

House looked up from his Game Boy as he lost his third life. "Why in the *world* would I want to go to Bruce Wayne's birthday party?"

"Maybe because you were invited," Cameron said, holding up the invitation.

"I knew I was going to regret letting you open my mail."

"Letting?" Cameron closed her mouth abruptly. "Clever, House, but you're not getting out of this so easily."

"I'll check off 'Thanks, but I'd rather have a colonoscopy' and send it back in the tastefully decorated return envelope. Sounds easy to me."

Cameron crossed her arms. "Maybe, but there's something you don't know."

Narrowing his eyes, he studied her. "What's that?"

She smiled broadly. "Cuddy and Wilson were invited too."

His desk phone rang and House stared at it in horror.

* * *

Two weeks later, House stood in the middle of his own bedroom, eyes a little wide, as Wilson packed his suitcase. "I said I wasn't going."

"Cameron RSVP'd for you, so yes, you are." Wilson stopped rummaging through his closet looking for a suit. "What's the problem? I thought you and Bruce Wayne had worked things out."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I want to go to a fancy party. Those things are so boring they make the average medical conference look like an orgy by comparison."

Leaning against the wall, Wilson studied him. "Went to a lot of these, did you?"

House scowled. "Yes."

Wilson looked like he wanted details, but wisely decided not to push it. "Well, you're going to this one."

"Why?"

"Because Bruce Wayne gave a lot of money to the hospital, and if you don't go, *you* have to explain why not to Cuddy. And I'm thinking you don't want to say, 'I'll have to go stand around and make small talk with Batman.'"

"I hate you," House said, stomping over to the dresser and pulling out a pile of socks.

"Uh-huh."

"Admit it, you've just got the hots for Cass."

Wilson threw a balled-up shirt at him. "I'm not admitting anything, especially when the lady in question is Batgirl and could kill me in a minute."

"It wouldn't take her that long," House said absently as he rummaged through the drawers. He glanced up in time to see Wilson pale. "Ha! Thought so!"

"Not admitting anything."

* * *

Bruce was in modified playboy mode when they arrived at Wayne Manor, bringing Cuddy's hand to her lips for a kiss, and smirking at House when he scowled furiously. He'd always hated Bruce as the playboy, and when the playboy was flirting with hi--with Cuddy, it was worse.

Then Bruce winked at Wilson when Cuddy wasn't looking, and Wilson looked like he might faint, which gave House a chuckle.

"We really could stay at a hotel, Mr. Wayne," Cuddy said, giving House a look that said she trusted him as far as she could throw him.

"Nonsense," Bruce said heartily. "We've got, oh, dozens of bedrooms, and I can't have my old friend Greg staying somewhere else."

House glared at Bruce, knowing that a) Bruce knew exactly how many bedrooms there were, and b) he'd deliberately put emphasis on the name 'Greg' even if Cuddy hadn't heard it. Cuddy elbowed him and he grudgingly said, "Thank you, Bruce. We're...glad to be here."

Bruce grinned, hearing everything he hadn't said. "Oh, and Greg, I've invited some old friends of yours as well. They'll be here for the party tonight."

House's mouth opened, but he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "Friends?" he managed.

Wilson turned toward him, having an inkling of what might be wrong, while Cuddy just frowned at him.

Bruce nodded. "Oh yes. Kon and Cassie are flying in and Bart said he'd take a run over to see you."

"Flying in." House glared, wondering when Bruce's humor had become so juvenile.

"Oh, and Cissie, Greta, and Anita will probably drop by as well. They were thrilled to know you'd be here."

House was utterly gobsmacked and dazed, so he briefly lost track of his surroundings until the tap on the shoulder. "This way," someone who wasn't Alfred said.

"I know where I'm going," House said, angry at the reminder of something he wanted to forget. Turning, he said, "Just tell me..."

"Tell you what?" Bernard asked, grinning like the years since high school hadn't passed at all.

It was almost one shock too many and for a moment, House's vision went grey. "You..."

"You never asked Bruce who took over for Alfred, did you?" Bernard shook his head. "Dear boy--"

"Don't call me that. I'm not that kid."

"No. You're not." Bernard stopped smiling. "You're a great deal ruder, but I was warned. You and your friends are in the east wing, second floor, first three rooms on the right. Shall I help with the bags?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to refuse, but then everyone would watch him trying to carry a suitcase and walk with a cane and that was worse. "Yes," he said, stomping away without another word.

"House!" Cuddy called, but Bruce said something to her, too low for House to hear, and she stopped.

* * *

As party time approached, House found himself sitting on the edge of the bed staring fixedly at the tuxedo hanging on a rack, intensely missing Alfred, although he knew that the butler would have been lecturing him about his behavior. But it'd be worth it to have him here.

It didn't help to realize that Bruce undoubtedly missed Alfred much more. House scowled at himself in the mirror on the bureau, knowing he was being unnecessarily childish, but not knowing how to stop.

When the door opened, he was expecting either Bruce or Wilson, but somehow he wasn't shocked when Cass slid in and sat down beside him on the bed.

"Glad," she said.

"Y'know, I know you can speak normally," he said glancing sideways at her.

She frowned. "Why bother with you?"

He couldn't help the chuckle. "Point."

They looked at the tuxedo together for a while. She was as still and calming as he remembered.

"Hurts that much?" she asked finally.

To be here, she meant. "Yes."

She leaned against his shoulder, as she had so many times after a difficult battle. "Missed you," she said eventually. "That hurts too."

"I know." His mouth twisted but he forced out the words. "I'm sorry."

She patted his knee.

If he tilted his head just right, he could rest his cheek on the top of her head. They sat like that for a while until she slid off the bed.

"It's time," she said, pointing at the tuxedo. "Behave."

He thought about teasing her, but decided it wasn't worth it, since she already knew what he would and wouldn't do. "Okay okay, tell them I'm coming down soon."

She nodded, then paused, giving him a sharp look.

Since she already knew something was coming, he grinned at her. "Do me a favor?"

She tilted her head in a query.

"Give Wilson a big kiss?"

Cass rolled her eyes, but nodded in assent before leaving.

House sighed and pulled himself up off the bed.

* * *

"I think you've gained weight," House said, looking Cassie up and down. "Did Kon finally get around to knocking you up? Wait, you're too old for that. Never mind."

"House!" Cuddy glared at him just like the time he'd tried to slip in a request for medical marijuana.

"Don't worry, Dr. Cuddy," Greta said with her sweetest smile. "He doesn't bother us."

"Speak for yourself," Cassie muttered.

"We've known him too long to get upset," Bart said.

House sighed. "You're just saying that to annoy me, aren't you?"

"I'd say it's funny he never mentioned you if this wasn't House we're talking about." Cuddy didn't seem at all disconcerted at the way she was being examined.

House nudged Kon with his elbow. "Did you guys want to check her teeth too?" he muttered.

Kon waggled his eyebrows. "Can I?" Then Cassie kicked him. Hard. "I guess that's no."

"I've known House since medical school," Cuddy said in response to a question House hadn't heard.

"I never thought he would be a doctor," Bart said, looking interested. "I always thought--"

"She doesn't care what you thought," House said, expecting the hurt look Bart had always given him, and instead getting a look that was much too thoughtful.

Cuddy seemed to sense there were undercurrents. "If you'll excuse me," she said, smiling politely at everyone. "I do see some people I need to talk to." She gave House a familiar glare of warning and he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Try to leave them with some money in their wallet," he said.

"Of course. How else will they make more?" she asked, grinning at him in a way that made him want to drag her off to a corner.

Everyone chuckled as she strode away. Kon whistled and poked House with a finger. "Wow. She's--"

"Hands and eyes and x-ray vision off her," House said with a glare that said he still knew where to find the kryptonite ring.

Wilson choked and House shook his head in despair. "You mean you didn't guess this joker was Superboy?"

"Ah...no," Wilson said, eyes extra wide. "I have to admit that's not the first thing that comes to mind when someone says 'childhood friend.'"

"It's okay, mon," Anita said, patting Wilson's shoulder. "Tim's always been a bit uptight. He's just gotten worse with age."

"Just because as a teenager I was weirded out by you doing voudoun in the nude is no reason to call me uptight." House tapped the floor with his cane.

Wilson's eyes looked like they were about to pop out.

"Yeah, about that," Cassie said, hands on her hips. "Did you really need to be nude for all those things?"

"Nah." Anita shrugged. "I just liked messing with y'all."

"I thought so," House said.

"Worked, though, didn't it?"

"Hell, yeah," Bart and Kon said together.

Cassie, Cissie, and Greta all glared at them as Anita threw her head back and laughed.

House glanced at Wilson, who had calmed down a bit, but looked like he might die of curiosity. House sighed and pointed his cane. "James Wilson, I'd like you to meet Superman." Kon grinned. "The Flash." Bart bowed his head. "Wonder Woman." Cassie smiled broadly. "And the artists formerly known as Arrowette, Secret, and Empress." Cissie, Greta, and Anita all smiled.

"All of you?" Wilson didn't know where to look.

"We..." House sighed. "We were Young Justice. Corny, huh?"

The look Wilson gave him was much too understanding. "Not at all. I'm really pleased to meet all of you now."

"I'm just glad to know that Tim has friends." Kon gave House a look he couldn't decipher. "Since he pushed all of us away."

"Water under the bridge," Bart said quickly. "We're happy to see you."

"I'm not sure I can say the same," House said.

"Uh-huh," Cassie said, patting his shoulder. "Sure, Tim."

"Don't call me Tim," House said with a growl. "The only person who knows who I was is Wilson."

"You don't want to impress the gir--" Kon started, but he stopped when Cassie kicked his ankle. "Hey!"

Cassie glared at him until he subsided. "First of all, she's a woman, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I'd noticed."

"And second, leave Tim's love life alone, okay?"

"Fine." Kon shrugged. "If he wants to keep pushing the woman he loves away, that's his problem."

"She's not..." Everyone turned disbelieving stares his direction and House rolled his eyes. "Never mind."

"It's good to see you," Cissie said as Kon and Cassie started bickering over something that had happened at Connor and Kyle's wedding. "I tried to get in touch a few years ago when Kon found you."

"Nothing personal. I don't return *anyone's* calls." He shrugged.

"I appreciated the flowers," she said, touching his arm with a smile. "When my mother died. That meant a lot."

House felt himself flush. "I didn't send flowers."

"Uh-huh." She raised her eyebrows. "Because anyone might remember the exact flowers that my mother always had in a vase in the dining room. The ones that were her favorites."

"Hey, there are other people with good memories around here." House waved at the others.

"Don't look at me," Bart said. "I was in Singapore at the time, fighting this crazy guy with a gun he stole from Captain Cold. I hate cold guns."

"No way, they're not nearly as bad as the heat rays." Cassie shook her head. "Even with invulnerability, it's still like being slow roasted."

"I agree," Kon said. "It's like being shoved in an oven."

Greta shuddered. "Tentacles. I always hated the things with tentacles."

"No way, it's the crawling things that are worst," Anita said emphatically. "I could never stand the bugs. Do you remember the guy who could control ants? *That* was gross."

Wilson watched the argument with the fascinated expression of a man who couldn't decide if he was watching a comedy or a tragedy.

House rolled his eyes. "Superhero small talk," he muttered to Wilson. "Always hated it."

"You hate *all* small talk," Wilson said.

"True." House sighed, resigning himself to another hour before any decent food appeared.

* * *

When the glass in the French doors shattered inward, everyone flinched except for the current and former superheroes. "Get out," House yelled over the screams of the fleeing guests.

Wilson stared in surprise as Kon, Cassie, and Bart ran out of the room. "Wh--"

House ignored him, tipping over a table and shoving Wilson behind it. Cissie, Greta, and Anita were already behind their own table so it was safe for him to say, "I know you throw like a girl, but here." He pulled a box out of his pocket and tipped the contents into Wilson's hands. "Don't drop 'em. They're smoke bombs. Disperse them as soon as whoever's attacking comes through those doors."

"House!"

"We need to provide cover for all the superheroes to change."

"That's why they ran out?"

"Duh. They'll be b--Throw!" Wilson started lobbing smoke bombs at the henchmen. House stared for a moment at the small metal shurikens in his hand. He hadn't--when he saw that Bernard had slipped them in there--

Damn.

House knelt on his good leg, ignoring the screams of pain from the other, and whipped R-shaped shurikens at weapons and arms, unable to resist a smirk as almost every one hit a target. Not always the one he'd intended, but nobody needed to know that.

Wide-eyed, Wilson took a moment to stare at him. "I thought you said these parties were boring?"

"I lied," House said with a shrug. "This is pretty much how they go in Gotham."

"Jesus Christ." Wilson was out of smoke bombs and he ducked behind the table. "This is how you grew up?"

"Yup." Out of the corner of his eye, House saw Bruce engaged in hand-to-hand with the henchmen. Interesting. With a wince, he saw a series of moves he recognized. "Oooh, that's gonna hurt," he said.

"What?" Wilson followed his glance. "Oh my god, you have to help Bruce! He's...oh."

House grinned. "Yeah, there's a goon who's going to be feeling it tomorrow. They fall for that trick every time."

"Yo, Tim!" Anita hollered. "Heads up!"

House turned in time to catch the pole she threw him, which looked like it used to be part of a folding table. He spun it a few times in practice, decided it was better than his cane for this purpose, then smacked a henchman who was about to grab Wilson. "None of that. I promised I'd bring him back in one piece."

"Where's Cuddy?" Wilson said, wide-eyed and staring around. "Did she get out?"

"She was standing near Bruce when everything started, so she's safe." House didn't even have to think about it. Whatever else had changed, he knew that about Bruce. Cuddy was safe and she would remain safe no matter what.

And then the room was full of color and sound as Kon and Cass and Cassie and Bart and...oh ho! House thought as he looked at the fifth figure that swooped into the room.

Wilson stared. "That's Batman. But..."

"Don't say it. I know. Bruce is over there. Don't worry about it. Old protocol I didn't know was still in existence." House leaned against the upended table, watching as the five superheroes swept the room in a fashion coordinated enough to explain why it took them so long to come back.

Well, Dick had always worked better with the kids than Bruce anyway.

* * *

Cleanup was the usual slow process and House used the excuse of his leg to go sit in a corner and glower at everyone who got near him. He exchanged glares with Bruce from across the room, insulted the Gotham police who tried to interrogate him, and generally was a pain in the ass.

There was only one person who wasn't intimidated.

"There you are," Cuddy said, marching up to him. "Some employees might have been vaguely concerned for their boss' health."

"I figured if anyone grabbed you, you'd just destroy them with your boobs." House knew it wasn't his best insult ever, but he figured he could be excused. It *had* been a long day and his leg hurt like hell and he couldn't take another Vicodin unless he wanted to start babbling to everyone in sight. He smacked his cane on the floor a few times, testing to see if it had been damaged.

Cuddy's expression softened. "How's the leg?"

"Peachy. I've been thinking about naming it my favorite body part."

"Well, I'm fine and I'm glad to see that you're the same cranky bastard you were before."

"This is what you get for dragging me to Gotham."

"You can't blame me for this."

"Why not?"

Cuddy shook her head. "I'll just leave you alone to sulk, then?"

"Fine. Good." House sighed as Dick wandered up to him. "I'm fine. Go away."

Dick's eyebrows shot up. "Obviously you're fine or you'd be getting treated. I was going to say I'm glad you came."

"I'm not." House pointedly looked around the room. "I didn't miss this at *all*." Dick grinned and House glared at him. "That wasn't intended to be funny."

"I know." Dick leaned against the wall next to his chair. "Everyone really has missed you, you know."

"Why?" House cursed under his breath. He hadn't meant to ask that.

Dick didn't look at him, just continued to watch the police bustle around and Bruce charm everyone in sight. "I think Bernard is annoyed with you, though."

House was going to say 'so what?' He was. Absolutely. "Where is he?"

Dick gave him a *look* and House levered himself off the chair to head to the butler's pantry. Even leaning heavily on the cane, he staggered on his first step. "Goddamnit," he said as Dick caught his arm.

Bart caught his other arm and House gave him an annoyed look, sure he'd used his speed in the room full of police. "I've got him," Bart said to Dick, totally ignoring House's glare.

Dick nodded and Bart helped House out of the room. "Thank you," House said, grudgingly, pointing toward Alfr--Bernard's pantry. When they got to the door, House paused, giving Bart a look.

Grinning, Bart let him lean against a wall. "It really was good to see you, you know. Everybody wanted me to tell you goodbye, as they had work to get back to. But maybe some of us will drop by and see you sometime."

Before House could even open his mouth to object, Bart was gone. Casting a quick glare in the direction the speedster had gone, House turned his attention to his original destination.

A few sounds from inside the pantry showed that Bernard was there, probably tidying up. When the mansion was attacked in the old days, while the police were still there, Alfred used to retreat to his pantry in distress. By the time the police were gone, Alfred would emerge, looking his usual unruffled self, and begin the process of arranging for repairs.

Hand hovering over the door, House gritted his teeth, then knocked. "Come in, Tim," Bernard called.

"How--never mind." Shaking his head, House opened the door.

Bernard didn't look up from the silverware he was polishing. "How is your leg?"

"Shitty."

"Mmmm." No reaction to the obscenity, proving Bernard wasn't an Alfred clone.

"Those forks are already clean," House said, grabbing a chair before he fell down.

"I know."

Sliding into the chair, House took a moment to settle his leg into the least excruciatingly painful position, then sat back and watched Bernard finish the silverware.

As Bernard put down the last spoon, he asked House, "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No."

Bernard didn't even turn, just picked up the kettle.

"I said I didn't want any."

"Perhaps *I'd* like some tea," Bernard said, stepping into the kitchen.

House felt an unaccustomed guilty twinge and he sat, feeling sulky, until Bernard came back with his cup of tea and sat down across from him.

"So..." Bernard said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry for being rude." The words came out all in a rush.

Bernard nodded. "And I'm sorry for...well, everything. As is Bruce, you know."

"Yeah. That's what he keeps saying."

The look Bernard gave him was eerily familiar and House decided that maybe Bernard really *was* a clone and he'd just been lulling him into complacence.

"I've gotta go. I'm sure everybody's looking for me by now. Maybe if I'm lucky, somebody will be dying and I can work." He heaved himself to his feet, pointedly ignoring the disapproving scowl.

He'd only gotten one leg and the cane out the door before Cass appeared at his side. "Come," she said.

As she led him down the hall, he considered the fact that Cass was pretty much the only person in the world he'd follow without either arguing with or nagging at the entire time. She was just...Cass. She wasn't going to scam him or tease him and she always understood what he was really saying, even if he didn't quite know.

Nodding at a police officer, Cass helped him into a small room that House vaguely recalled had been unused. Although, he realized as he looked around, Cass had apparently appropriated it as her own at some point. She settled him into a chair that was exactly the right height, pushing a stool over to prop his leg on it.

The groan of relief was involuntary. She nodded. "Better." She sank onto a small couch.

House's eyes flicked over her. "Shoulder's still bothering you."

She nodded.

"What happened to the knee?"

"Shiva."

"Mmm. Don't miss that at *all*."

She smiled and was nice enough not to contradict him.

"I...do miss you, though." His gut contracted as he remembered how much he'd missed her at the beginning.

"But you're here."

He could have gone into a long monologue about why he was here and why he didn't want to be and how it would take 100 wild horses to ever get him back in Gotham. Instead, he nodded.

* * *

He was in a chair by the door, waiting for Wilson to come down with their bags, when Dick appeared in a doorway. House felt his shoulders tighten when he realized that Dick had been down in the Cave.

Dick looked at him for a moment. "There's no emergency," he said quietly.

"Good." House stared past Dick. "So when does it become official?"

"It is now, I guess." Dick shrugged. "He was already cutting back before the Ivy incident."

"You're no spring chicken yourself, y'know." House eyed him, seeing the signs of aging that Dick could undoubtedly see himself.

"Come back to Gotham some time and you can meet my successor."

House opened his mouth, then closed it again when he realized he had no idea what he wanted to say.

"This isn't exactly how I'd planned to welcome you back to Gotham," Bruce said from behind him.

Without turning, House snorted. "You'd planned to kill a fatted calf?"

"Yes, House," Cuddy said. "I've always thought of you as the prodigal son."

House twisted in the chair to look at her. "In this case, I don't know that I've repented."

"I've never known you to repent for anything."

"I'm sure I must have done it once."

"I doubt it." Cuddy rolled her eyes, but she looked relieved to see him acting like his old self.

Bruce coughed to cover his laughter, but Dick openly grinned at the two of them.

"In any case," Bruce said pointedly, "I wanted to apologize to both of you for the disruptions. I'm very sorry the party was interrupted." Bruce smiled down at Cuddy, who House was willing to swear was *simpering* at the man.

It took most of his remaining strength, but House hauled himself to his feet and stomped over to stand next to Cuddy. Over her head, he gave Bruce a "back off" glare, and Dick actually doubled over with laughter.

Cuddy gave all of them a strange look. "Right. Well, I think we should take our leave now. Wilson is bringing the car around."

"I'm ready." House hadn't intended for it to sound so heartfelt, and he chose to ignore the look on Bruce's face.

"I hope to see you again soon," Bruce said.

Cass had appeared out of nowhere and House could feel her eyes and Dick's eyes boring into him. "Maybe," he said finally.

Bruce nodded and Cuddy took his arm, helping him limp down the hallway to the front door.

* * *

Back in his office the next morning, House felt himself relax. It was nice to be back where he was in control of the situation. Leaning back, he propped his leg up on with a sigh.

Cameron came through the door with a big smile and a bigger vase of flowers.

"What the--" House began.

"So," Cameron said, putting the flowers down. "Who is Bernard and why does he hope you'll come around more often?"

\--end--


End file.
